Monday, March 14, 2011

Please sir, may I have some more . . .

Delta emailed me recently to let me know that they took it upon themselves to change our reservations to Nebraska this spring and now we have a FOUR HOUR layover in Minneapolis. Really people? Really? When you can DRIVE to your destination in the same time it takes you to wait the layover and fly, there is an issue. I will be speaking to "the next available representative" tomorrow. That should go well. I plan to ask when it would be CONVENIENT for them to take a PANTLOAD of our money, squoosh us in like sardines and then make us either run like hell to the next gate or put in a half day's work while we wait for our connection.

Their website should be revised to read as follows:

From: Just how long ARE you willing to drive to the airport?
To: We'll do our best. Please provide your preferred city, or better yet, a state nearby, keeping in mind that on the day of travel, that may not work for us.

When would you like to travel: Please don't enter anything here. We'll let you know when we can swing it.

Number of checked bags:
Number of bags you expect to see upon your arrival: Please enter a number less that what you entered above.

New security rules: Absolutely no liquids will be allowed on the plane. This now includes body fluids so please remember to "go before you leave."

Number of children flying with you: [whoever enters this gets must be linked with MY flight itinerary because they usually sit all of those kids behind me and they collectively break the Guiness World Record for number of consecutive hours kicking the seat in front of them]

Be sure and put this flight on your frequent flier account. (It won't do you a damn bit of good because the minute you get enough miles for a free flight we're gonna raise the limit anyway but we like to give you the illusion that you're getting something for nothing.)

We realize you have a choice for air travel. Given the way we treat you, we are thrilled (and frankly amazed) that you still fly with us. . .

I'm just cranky. You can ignore me. I'm going to.

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